I have been having anxiety issues this week. You can read about Sunday's almost anxiety attack in a post titled Digging Holes
in the Faith and Leadership
section of this blog site. Today started much the same as Sunday (I am just now realizing what likely triggered it, no more glass of wine for me during "Magic: The Gathering"
trading card game sessions like Saturday night and last night) a bright and early cheerful morning with Cohen, followed by a slightly obsessive/manic need to clean up (not my usual MO at all), I break out into uncontrollable sweating while cleaning, then I can't calm down (usually because this stage hits right at Cohen's "needy a nap" time), and I spiral downward.
Both Sunday and today I realized
I was starting to panic/get anxious at the sweating stage. On Sunday, we were on our way out the door to church and all I could do was verbalize "I am getting anxious, I need to calm down, please help me find my Zoloft because I forgot to take it this morning" (I take 50mg every morning and I ran out Saturday and forgot where my new Rx bottle was). After that there was not much else I could do stuck in a car on the way to church (note to self: not a good idea for an anxious, semi claustrophobic person to get into a small car before they have time to calm down).
Today when I realized I was getting anxious, I was home alone with Cohen who was getting whiny, wanted to be held and get ready for his nap. I knew that if I didn't do something to calm myself down things were going to quickly spiral out of control. I turned on some music not knowing what else to do to calm myself down.
I am coming to realize how very empathetic young children really are. If you are anxious, they become anxious. If you calm down, they tend to calm down too.
Little ones are (at least mine is) also very sympathetic.
Cohen came over to me when I was really starting to stress out. I was sitting on the step down into our den leaning my head on the door jam. He gave me a hug, looked in my eyes with a sparkling smile, and said "Mama, dance!" I smiled and said, okay Co, let's dance it out. I picked him up, spun him around in my arms and danced my anxiety right away. We hit the repeat button and boogied down to "White Man" by Gungor three times! (Disclaimer: This is the song that happened to be on my iPod at the moment, just because I like the song does not mean that I completely agree with ALL of the theology in the lyrics).
After giggling and laughing so hard I wanted to pee in my pants, I changed the track over to Denison Witmer's "Are You a Dreamer?" which is on Cohen's favorite lullaby album
(also by Witmere of the same title), got my sweet boy a sippy cup of milk and danced him off to bed for a nap. Aren't kids awesome?